


The Darkling/Saints Roommates AU No One Asked For

by H_K_Rissing



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, what a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 12:09:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19084747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H_K_Rissing/pseuds/H_K_Rissing
Summary: Aleksander complains to his roommates about his girlfriend's boyfriend's tattoo.





	The Darkling/Saints Roommates AU No One Asked For

**Author's Note:**

> The main thing I took away from KoS was that I want a sitcom of the Darkling and the Saints living as roommates and their ensuing wacky hijinks.

Aleksander stormed in like a whirlwind, slamming the door so hard behind him the crash was heard throughout the house. Which admittedly wasn’t the biggest achievement, the house was small and cramped and a strong odor of cabbage occasionally drifted through it for no discernible reason. Private conversations in an upstairs bedroom could easily be heard in the living room through the paper thin walls. 

Grigori jumped so hard he spilled half his bowl of homemade granola, and Elizaveta emerged from her room with suspicious haste, arranging herself artfully on the stained beanbag chair in the corner as Aleksander threw himself on the lumpy couch. The other two roommates were silent, knowing that Aleksander would explain his tantrum in his own time. 

“Today is the worst day of my life.” Aleksander announced gravely, staring stonily at the ceiling.   
“Tell us,” Elizaveta cooed, flipping her honey blonde hair over her shoulder and gazing at him with cloying sweetness. Grigori gagged on his granola.   
“I’m not sure I have the mental energy to handle hearing about any more worst days of your life, my guy,” Grigori remarked, swiveling around in his chair at the counter.   
“You can tell me, then,” Elizaveta amended, shooting Grigori a dirty look. 

“My girlfriend’s boyfriend got a really, really stupid tattoo,” Aleksander wailed, covering his face with his long hands.   
Elizaveta leaned away from where she’d extending forward to better show off her cleavage, a sour expression developing on her face, which made Grigori chuckle a little.

“Did I hear something about Aleksander’s fake girlfriend?” Juris called, bounding shirtless down the tiny rickety staircase.   
“That fucking moron got a tattoo in a language he doesn’t speak and he was going around telling everyone that it said something badass but it’s literally just a massive grammatical error.” Aleksander explained.   
“Alina really just was not thinking about how this would make me look, this looks literally so bad on me now. Like why is my girlfriend dating a guy who gets stupid tacky tattoos?” he whined. 

“So the answer is that she wasn’t thinking about how this makes you look, since she’s not actually your girlfriend, champ,” Juris scoffed, annoyed at the lack of juicy gossip and starting to mix himself a protein shake.   
“Alina knows how I feel about her, and why does she stay with that braindead dumbass who evidently can only breathe when he’s making stupid decisions?” Aleksander continued complaining as though Juris hadn’t spoken. 

“She’s clearly a dumb bitch, want me to rub your shoulders?” Elizaveta asked hopefully.   
“No Elizaveta shut up. I am distraught. How am I going to face the rest of the lab now?” Aleksander lamented. He had met Alina, the girl he had pretty much immediately decided he was ass over teakettle in love with, when she had joined the lab where he was conducting research on black holes. He had spent an entire night blasting obsessive songs about the balance of light and dark when he found out that she was doing research on solar flares. Alina had just as immediately made it clear that she had a boyfriend with whom she was very happy, one of the student athletes on the track and field team. None of the roommates were clear as to what his actual name or major was. 

“How did you even find out about this?” Juris asked, looking for a line of inquiry to get more dirt.   
“He literally showed up to the lab, the absolute madman, and stripped off his shirt right there in front of my salad, to show Alina the tattoo, which he dedicated to her.” Aleksander replied, sitting up from his prone position and bracing his elbows on his knees, steepling his fingers over his mouth. Juris guffawed loudly.   
“That sounds like such a fucking mess,” he crowed, not seeming the least bit sympathetic. 

“I just cannot believe he did that, this is honestly the worst.” Aleksander stated, staring into the middle distance.   
“Well stop bellyaching and get up and get changed, it’s leg day, bitch.” Juris commanded after pounding the protein shake.   
Aleksander groaned, “And just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse,” before getting up to head upstairs, no doubt to change into another all-black ensemble. 

“Maybe when you get back we can have a chat in your room, just the two of us,” Elizaveta purred, standing also.   
“No Elizaveta, I will be listening to Conor Oberst and trying to heal my completely ruptured psyche when I get back,” Aleksander replied, trudging up the stairs. 

“Damn girl, could you be any thirstier?” Grigori asked once they’d heard Aleksander slam his bedroom door.   
“Eat your granola, you hippie douchebag. All I’m saying is Alina Starkov is a stupid thot and he could do so much better.” Elizaveta snapped.  
“You realize you are unironically quoting Avril Lavigne right now, right?” Juris asked, amused.   
Elizaveta merely rolled her eyes.


End file.
